pseudo-friendship
Pushed to
the side,
But still in the background.
Ditched for a better offer,
But there when you need me.
Feeling unwanted,
But kept around- just in case.
I could say I was your rock,
But that's just too cliché
So I'll say I'm your friend-
Or rather, you're mine
Because I don't think that you see me that way.
Just someone you know
But can't quite forget
Like the world you just can't leave behind.
Whenever you're alone
I will be there.
Not at the front
Not by your side- three steps behind.
Still close enough to touch
Yet oceans apart.
Waiting
For you to realise
Just how much a part of me you are.
Hoping
You will notice,
Realise that I'm there.
When you're sad
I will be there
When your world crashes
I will still be standing.
When you see someone...
Anyone, anyone who isn't me
I know where you will go.
You'll stand by their side
Theirs, not mine
But I'm still there
Waiting for you.
When they leave you alone
When you're just not good enough
When you feel rejected, dejected and out of hope
That is how I feel
Every time your eyes see through me
Like I'm not there
A figment of my own imagination.
But I'll keep hoping
One day you'll notice
One day you'll care
One day you'll see me
And know I was always there
I don't want a fanfare
I don't want a parade
I'm just letting you know I'm there for you
Every step along the way.
charade
I could
say that I love you
But it wouldn’t be true
I could say that I need you
But that’s a lie.
So I’ll say that you need me
More than you think you do.
You spread your wings
And I helped you to fly.
You fell and I held out my hand
You wished
And I made it come true
I sacrificed my happiness
To give it to you
But you didn’t notice.
I can make you smile
On the outside at least.
I can make you say you care
But I can’t make you believe it.
I can’t make your heart feel
Something that it won’t.
So I’ll stop trying.
At least, that’s what I’ll tell myself.
But you know I won’t
You know I care
You know I cry.
And when I cry,
You smile.
end
Submissive.
That’s me.
Not forward, never pushing myself to the front.
Always here, still alone,
Still left by myself
While you lead the life I always wanted.
Freedom.
Friendship.
I’m here
I shout
You don’t see.
It seems I’m not on your mind.
Well that’s nothing new.
Don’t leave me here
Don’t leave me all alone
Take me with you next time
Next time you go
Anywhere.
I reach out
A hand extended, offering friendship
Eternally.
You turn. And I let you do it again
You hurt me
Hurt me
Hurt me
Again and again.
And I tell myself I won’t let it happen again.
But I do.
Your eyes bewitch me.
I can’t say no.
But that’s about to change.
No, I will say.
No, you cannot hurt me
No, you cannot leave me
No, you cannot love me.
But I already knew that.
I fall.
Down
Down
Down.
Never ending darkness
Or so it seems.
This is how I feel.
This is me.
This is not the way I want it
But this is how it is.
dreams
Words can
say one thing.
But a face can tell a story
Yours, not mine.
Not ours.
We have no story.
I think you want to tell me how you feel
But you can’t
And I don’t know how to listen.
For you I would learn
For you I would understand
But you don’t see that
I wish I could make you understand
I wish you could feel what I feel
I wish you could know.
I wish I didn’t care so much
But I do.
And you know that. And you manipulate that.
And I know that. And I can’t stop you.
Why do you have such a hold on me?
Every time I think I’m going to break
Every time I think I’ve finally learned to live without you
You come back
Taunting me
Teasing me
Knowing that I will take you back
Knowing that you can do what you do
and that I won’t be able to stop you.
How is it that you are so powerful?
Where did you learn how to command me?
One day, maybe, I will stand up for myself.
I will not let you walk all over me.
I will not be there to catch you when you fall.
I will not cry.
I will not care.
You will turn around and see the space where I once stood.
And when you realise
That I have gone
That I am not coming back
That you took me for granted
You will be the one to cry
And I will finally be in control.